When I first became a mother, it quickly became evident that I didn’t have a clue as to what I was doing. I knew that your child needed to be fed, clothed, cleaned, cared for when ill, and put to sleep when necessary. Motherhood did not come easily to me; it was a daily checklist in my head, a to-do list of sorts. I grew up in a home where my own mother was a career woman and often not at home, so I never saw firsthand what a stay at home mother was supposed to do and behave like. Even though I had a strong desire to have children, it never occurred to me that I might not know what to do with them.

After I became a Christian, and then had my second son, the responsibilities really began to set in and I found myself falling apart at the seams. They wanted to play and I wanted to clean. They wanted to snuggle and I had meals to cook. They wanted to run outside and I wanted to run errands. As laundry piled up, and the loneliness of being home all day with no other adults set in, I began to think I was absolutely crazy to think that I, Nicci Kilcoyne, could ever be a real mother. But then again, what exactly was a mother? It hit me hard one day that if someone were to ask me, I could only list external duties… I honestly didn’t know what a mother was supposed to be and I realized that I really needed to learn how to be a mother God’s way. If I didn’t want to hurt these little human beings that I truly loved, I needed to find out how to be more than just a caregiver. These cute little guys needed and deserved much more than that and I started to search the scriptures about motherhood, because, after all, God made me a mother so He must know something about being one, right?

I was very blessed as a young Christian to have women in my life who took the time to teach me how to study the bible and the very first thing I did was look in my Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance for the word ‘mother’. I have long since forgotten the verse that I chose, but I remember I looked at all the references in the Hebrew and chose the most dominant reference for that word by how many times it was used in the original Hebrew language. I am not a scholar by any means, but I am grateful for women who taught me how to study for myself, and on this particular day, I discovered the meaning of the word ‘mother’ from the Lord’s perspective and it forever changed how I would approach motherhood from now on. ( I encourage you to learn how to use a concordance and other study resources in addition to your bible for studying, God’s Word is filled with treasures waiting to be discovered every day!)

So, in the Hebrew language, “mother”- אם (em)- means, “the one that binds the family together”

This was so important for me to understand! I had no idea that a mother had that kind of influence. As mothers we are able to bind the family together like no one else can! To bind means:  to “tie or bond together” in its simplest definition. Mothers, we are the “glue” of the family unit!

Again, this was so important for me to realize as a mother in the Lord. This definition provoked many thoughts in me, not just about my own family that I grew up in and the one I was now responsible for raising, but also about the general condition of families all around. I grew up in a time where women were encouraged to leave the home for careers and causes, but it occurred to me that since that time, families weren’t as “together” anymore like they had once been. Many mothers today are asking why their families are not close knit, they are asking why they are losing their marriages and children, and they want to know why their homes are not what the Word of God says they should be. I want to stir you today to examine whether or not you are being the bond of your family, and whether or not you have allowed the “glue” of your family to run out. Being the glue, or the bond, of your family may happen differently in your home than from mine. You have to be led by the Lord concerning the uniqueness of your family’s needs, so I can’t tell you specifically what your family may need. I can tell you though, that without the presence of glue, nothing sticks. Mothers, we need to be present with our families! Regardless of whatever message society is sending out at the time, God intended for a mother’s presence in her family to bind them together.

My point here is that binding together the family requires much more than external caregiver duties. It requires our time, thoughtfulness and love. It requires relationship with each individual family member and it requires the forethought on how to bring everyone together regularly to continue to nurture those relationships. Being the bond of the family also involves helping the family know how important it is to stay bonded, even through hard times. When arguments break out, feelings are hurt, and relationships are in trouble, it is mama that comes in with her wisdom, insight and plea for togetherness.

Can I get real with you?

Too often, in today’s world, we see exactly the opposite. I believe that years ago, the Lord showed me that the home was the first “post” of a woman, and too many have left that post through careers, hobbies, and causes… and in the process, they have left their husbands and children to fend for themselves, depriving families of the much needed giftings a woman has to offer. Ultimately this weakens the family unit, and women don’t even realize what they have done to their own families.

(This series is about mothers, and so that is the subject I will stick to, examining our roles as a mother for the Lord. I completely recognize that other factors may play a role in the condition of one’s family, so please understand that I am only choosing to examine one part here in this series.)

Believe it or not, even stay-at-home mothers can leave their post just as much as a woman who isn’t physically in the home day-after-day. We ignore our families by watching too much TV, spending too much time on the internet or phone, and getting too involved in other activities such as causes and socializing. All of these things are fine when in their proper place, but when they take precious time from our families and jeopardize our function as a mother, then we must be willing to examine our priorities and be honest about where we might be going wrong.

Questions to ask yourself to see if your priorities might be off:

• Do I prefer to be elsewhere other than with my children most of the time?
• Do I get upset when my personal activities are interrupted children truly needing my attention?
• Do I see my children as an inconvenience to other things I want to do besides teaching them and nurturing them and caring for them?
• Am I constantly trying to look for ways to hand off my responsibilities as a mother to others in the home or community so I don’t have to deal with the issues of motherhood? (teachers, church leaders, grandmothers, aunts, uncles, etc…)
• Is my career, hobby, social life, or cause more dominant in my heart than the mothering of my children and the bonding of my family?

These are difficult questions to ask of ourselves, we all want to be ‘good’ mothers, but what our families need are godly mothers who are willing to keep their priorities in order and do the right thing. Many women don’t feel important or valued unless they are doing something outside of the home, others have to work out of necessity, and others simply do not know what they should be doing in the home with their little blessings so they find other ways to occupy their time. Regardless of the heart issue, it is vital that we mothers get to the root of our issues with motherhood so that we can be the very best mother God intended for us to be. q

This week, take a little time examining your heart concerning motherhood and ask yourself how you can be a better bond of the family. Your presence is valuable to the family and without your active role, your family is truly deprived. Some practical ways that you might move toward helping your family to bond might be:

• Read a devotional together at breakfast and discuss it as a family
• Spend quality time with each family member, getting to really know their hearts and desires
• Start a weekly game or activity night that involves interaction with each other on a personal and social level.
•  Have family catch-up each day around your dinner table, giving each member time to talk about their day and discuss things on their heart while sharing a meal.
• Take advantage of teachable and communicative  moments throughout the day with your family, stopping activities if necessary to communicate face-to-face instead of in-passing or simply letting things go
• As a mother, pray for your family members, their struggles, their desires, their relationships with each other and you, their friends and their callings. This is one of the most important duties as a mother and will bind you to them in ways you never dreamed.

God’s Word defines “mother” as: the one that binds the family together. If His Word says it, then it is most assuredly true and He has a great plan for you as a mother. You ARE the glue that holds your family together and you are fully equipped in Him to do this task and to do it well! So give your Mother Roar and get bonding!

Next week, we will be looking at Loving Your Children (Part Two Of the Mother Roar Series).  I pray this week has been a blessing to you and that you will join me here again at Fruitiful Vine real soon!