Greetings Fruitful Viners! 2013 started off with quite a bang for us Kilcoynes! I’m not sure why I continue to do it, but I somehow convince myself that life will slow down and it just never does! I had decided in December of 2012 that I would take the month of January off so that I could regroup, refocus and renew. Many people take this time of year to pray, seek direction from the Lord and jump-start any resolutions or goals they may have set for the coming year. MY plan was to go on a fast, start a new exercise program, and seek the Lord about some things that were weighing on my heart.
2012 was awesome in some respects, the Lord rooted me more deeply in my faith, He demonstrated answers to prayers in ways that at times, left me breathless. It was a year of warfare in ministry like I had never known, and through the Lord stretching my faith and guiding me in obedience, I experienced a confidence and victory that, beforehand, I wasn’t sure was possible for me. Sometimes, it is the unseen battles of faith that matter most. When you are believing God for greater things that are not tangible to the eye, it is a much deeper work than something in the physical realm. I am so grateful that the Lord sees beyond the physical, beneath the surface and into our hearts for what we really need. In 2012, I learned that if God has given it, no one can take it. This must be what Joshua and Caleb understood when they spied out the land of Canaan, no matter what their peers said, they were confident that God had given the good land to them- SIMPLY BECAUSE HE HAD TOLD THEM. It is an awesome thing to have faith, real faith. I also learned that faith is MY responsibility and it is a daily choice. No one else is going to believe God for me, my faith is personal, between me and my God. While it is good to have others stand in agreement with you on a matter, absolutely nothing can be substituted for your own faith. It must be worked, it is an ACTION that we believers take, and we must choose to take it every single day; no matter what we feel, no matter what our situation says, no matter what others opinions may be, if we want to ‘be in faith’, then we must make the choice to agree with God’s Word, to side with what He says. So much of this may seem elementary to some, but for me, 2012 was my classroom for such a lesson. As a family, we faced things that I didn’t know we could overcome. As a minister, I waged war as the Lord taught me for breakthrough, protection, truth and purity. I had many moments of weariness and of wanting to give up. I’m not proud of those moments, but they did happen. Part of acting on our faith is to push through even when our flesh doesn’t want to. I now have a greater insight of “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” – but one thing I have seen in 2012, that I have been most grateful for, is the consistency of the Lord! He’s been so faithful, even in those weak moments. It has been such a joy to have the Helper there at all times to encourage, to speak, to strengthen. He truly has been my Rock, and I KNOW that if not for Him, I wouldn’t have come this far.
This brings me to our family news for 2013- the Lord has blessed us with another addition to our family!
We. are. pregnant.
Oh my word! Before I get into all the details, I’d like to offer testimony: 2012, as I said before, was tough on our family. I actually had two confirmed miscarriages and a possible third (unconfirmed). The first two were very difficult physically (and of course, emotionally), especially the second one. And by the third (unconfirmed, but we are pretty sure that I had been pregnant for only a couple weeks), I was just desperate to find out what was wrong. I take the Word of the Lord very seriously, and when He says that none from among His people shall be barren, nor miscarry, I believe Him. So as you can imagine, it was quite an emotional trial for me, trying to make sense of all of it. Many tears fell during 2012. By the end of the year, I was done. I didn’t want to think about pregnancy anymore, so my plan was just to focus on my health at the beginning of 2013. After fighting all year to hold onto a pregnancy, I just needed to lay it down. With a broken heart in this area, I offered up my dreams to God once again and said, “Lord, I’m hurting and You are the Healer, no matter what doctors say, I know You and I know You do not lie, so, here’s my heart once again.” The doctor had confirmed that low-progesterone seemed to be the issue, and he had prescribed progesterone to me to keep on hand in case I thought I might be pregnant. Of course, this was almost pointless because by the time I felt symptoms I was usually already starting to lose the pregnancy.
I prayed, “Lord, I understand if you do not want me to have a child at this time, but You do not give life only for it to die in the womb. That’s not Your way. If you want me to take the progesterone, then I need to know I am pregnant almost right away in order for it to benefit the pregnancy. Whatever you want Lord, please cause it to happen, whether it is total healing, catching the pregnancy early enough, or no pregnancy at all- only, do not let me lose one more life from this womb.” I prayed this at the end of November, 2012. Oh, ladies! The Lord cares so much for our hearts! We can talk to Him about anything and we can trust Him with everything!
The week after Christmas, I woke up one morning to an offensive smell coming from the kitchen. As I went downstairs to investigate, imagine my surprise when I discovered it was one of my sons making toast. Toast. This continued for 2 days. Smell aversions were so great that I became nauseous from them. I wasn’t putting two and two together. That Sunday, I went to church and someone out of the blue, asked me if I was pregnant! I went home and called a good friend of mine the next day and told her what was going on with me, but if I based everything on my cycle, I couldn’t be more than a week or two along and I never felt symptoms this early. She prodded me to take a test, but I didn’t for another 4 days, I was terrified of seeing another negative result. When I couldn’t ignore my increasing symptoms anymore, I broke down and took a test and there was a very faint, but absolutely there, positive! I was in shock. I made my husband look at it at least three times, I kept holding it up to the light and staring hard at it. I was a true mess that night. I called the doctor the next morning and he was pretty doubtful that I could have those kinds of symptoms so early on and kept making me repeat the first day of my last cycle. It was hilarious because we were all trying to disprove that faint positive line! As a precaution, the doctor told me to go ahead and start on the progesterone just to be safe and he made an appointment for two weeks from then so we could check via ultrasound . I took a test every day that week and each time, the line got darker and darker. I was so paranoid that I would check those pregnancy strips twice a day sometimes! When you experience loss of life or tragedy and heartbreak of any kind, it affects you. Never before did I agonize over symptoms or a pregnancy test like this one! Every symptom, test line, etc was questioned, examined, prayed over… ironically, I had completely forgotten what I had prayed just over a month prior- but God hadn’t forgotten!
The day of my first doctor’s appointment was nerve-wracking. He had warned me that he didn’t know if we would even see a heartbeat yet if I was accurate with my dates , though he was expecting me to be farther along because a positive test doesn’t even show up that early. I knew I had my dates correct because I had been tracking my cycles, so there was a lot of confusion in me and I kept thinking, “What if something is wrong? What if it was a false positive?” As the doctor began the ultrasound with my husband at my side, thank the Lord that Daniel was there, it wasn’t long before he located the baby and the faintest of heartbeats. The doctor said with amazement, ” Oh my goodness, that heart beat has got to be only hours old!” But a heartbeat WAS there! Daniel later told me that when he first saw the baby, he was mesmerized because to him it looked like a perfect diamond ring that was sparkling. How cute is that?! As the doctor measured the baby as best as he could, he said it lined up perfectly with my dates. He couldn’t believe how early along I was, that the test was positive that early and that my symptoms were so strong- but I could. I KNEW God had answered prayer so that I would take the progesterone early enough to sustain this pregnancy! On our second visit at 8 weeks, there was a good strong heartbeat and a proper developing baby. It hasn’t been easy being on progesterone, it’s a very high dosage twice a day and there are side effects, on top of that, morning sickness has been much worse with this baby than any of my others- the doctor says that we may even be able to wean me off of the progesterone early because things are looking so well and it seems as if my body is beginning to produce enough on it’s own. This baby will be number six for our family, and I know the biggest question on everyone’s mind who knows us is whether or not it will be a girl this time, lol, but right now, I am relishing in the fact that my God cared so much for my heart that He brought this pregnancy to our attention at just the right time so that there wouldn’t be another loss in our lives. I am so grateful that when I do not see, He does!
My days are spent resting and trying to relieve severe morning sickness right now. Every week seems to bring an increased symptoms and it is a challenge to get food in me, so I am also tired from not eating. I had mild stomach issues with my others and moderate smell aversions, most of which could be handled quite easily. Nothing seems to be working with this one, the doctor has prescribed me some anti-nausea meds and I am taking b-6 in larger amounts. In the following article, I’ll share what I’ve been doing since nothing seems to help my symptoms and what you can do to help your household continue on even though you’ve been immobilized by morning sickness. But for now, even though this pregnancy has had it’s challenges, we are rejoicing to have yet another life added to our family!
UPDATE**** I am now 12 weeks along and we have begun the process of weaning me off of the progesterone. In total it will take about two weeks. The doctor was hopeful that it would relieve some of my morning sickness but so far I am still needing the anti-nausea meds to be able to eat well. I have had a few days where there was about a 2-3 hour stretch of feeling good, so we are praying that we are near the end of it and I will be myself once again! ***Update to the update: 14 weeks and counting! Having whole stretches of some days with no morning sickness, it is a slow improvement but improvement nonetheless!
What To Do When There Is Nothing You Can Do About Morning Sickness